Emma is six months old now. She laughs and laughs sometimes, and I feel like it makes everything else worth it. I still have baby nightmares, of baby cracking her head open, drowning in the tub, being left in the hot car, and other awful things, but they are starting to go away some. I am hoping that this arbitrary date of six months will help. I still listen for her breathing in the baby monitor at night, even though shes been in her own room since march.
Aunt Doris passed away this weekend, and I think that is what kicked my baby nightmares back up a notch. Think of Kalaya, and Miranda, and Wanita, and all the Brownson girls. Aunt Doris was Kalaya's last grandparent. I cant imagine.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
an old post, finished.
I finally finished the story of the day Emma was born. It is l o n g. But if you want to read it, there it is.
Emma's Birth Day
Emma's Birth Day
Monday, May 18, 2009
a story
I am sunburned, from working outside all weekend in a strapless top. My back is worst, but the tops of my boobs are also burned. Emma has scratch little patting fingers. Ouch four times a day.
The End
The End
Friday, May 15, 2009
its time
I am ready to start working out. Emma is five and a half months old, and so is all the extra weight I am carrying.
I have already decided that at six months I will stop nursing. (This will be best for us both because Emma has started to fight me at feedings. She twists and grunts, sucks then turns away to scream and turns back to suck again. Not every feeding, but most. We will both be happier when she is drinking formula. I may continue one or two feedings a day for a couple more months, we will see how that goes.)
Now it is time to decide to start working out. In the last three weeks I have lost six pounds, doing absolutely nothing and continuing to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. That's really encouraging. With the end of nursing in sight, I can begin to think about what I am eating again, and to work out consistently and not worry about my milk supply. (Previously, if I tried to eat healthy foods or work out a couple times a week, my milk fluctuated greatly. I couldn't risk it, and adopted my whatever, whenever policy along with Fenugreek when Ive needed it and have had ample milk supply.) The down side of these two decisions is that my nursing may finally be paying off and helping me to loose some weight just when Ive decided to quit. That is something I will just have to deal with, because I know its time.
I am making the internet my accountability partner. I will do this. So thats whats new at home.
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I suppose I should also mention that Australia was wonderful. We had a great time, and Jason's already planning for the next trip. I think my favorite part was dipping Emma in the ocean. I have always loved the ocean. Jenn and I used to drive to Heceta just to stand for a few minutes and come back home. It was nice to first introduce Emma to the other side of the pacific with Jenn.
I have already decided that at six months I will stop nursing. (This will be best for us both because Emma has started to fight me at feedings. She twists and grunts, sucks then turns away to scream and turns back to suck again. Not every feeding, but most. We will both be happier when she is drinking formula. I may continue one or two feedings a day for a couple more months, we will see how that goes.)
Now it is time to decide to start working out. In the last three weeks I have lost six pounds, doing absolutely nothing and continuing to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. That's really encouraging. With the end of nursing in sight, I can begin to think about what I am eating again, and to work out consistently and not worry about my milk supply. (Previously, if I tried to eat healthy foods or work out a couple times a week, my milk fluctuated greatly. I couldn't risk it, and adopted my whatever, whenever policy along with Fenugreek when Ive needed it and have had ample milk supply.) The down side of these two decisions is that my nursing may finally be paying off and helping me to loose some weight just when Ive decided to quit. That is something I will just have to deal with, because I know its time.
I am making the internet my accountability partner. I will do this. So thats whats new at home.
---
I suppose I should also mention that Australia was wonderful. We had a great time, and Jason's already planning for the next trip. I think my favorite part was dipping Emma in the ocean. I have always loved the ocean. Jenn and I used to drive to Heceta just to stand for a few minutes and come back home. It was nice to first introduce Emma to the other side of the pacific with Jenn.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
turtle
I am in Australia, with Jason, Emma, Simon, and Jenn. Jesse and Sarah are watching with my puppies, and Turtle.
Turtle is my pet African Dwarf Frog who I bought with my brother in the fall of 2000. He was supposed to live for one to two years, and has moved eight times with me (even surviving several rides between home and Oregon). Turtle was supposed to be about the size of a nickel, and grew to be closer to a fifty cent piece for several years. When i changed his tank just a couple days before we left, he was back to around a quarter size (his size changed, depending on how much he ate, and weather there was grass in his tank to munch on.) We thought he would live forever at this point. Jenn and simon and I were just talking about him earlier in the week.
Jesse found Turtle dead today. He was nine and a half years old. I am far away, and cant do anything about it but be sad.
Turtle is my pet African Dwarf Frog who I bought with my brother in the fall of 2000. He was supposed to live for one to two years, and has moved eight times with me (even surviving several rides between home and Oregon). Turtle was supposed to be about the size of a nickel, and grew to be closer to a fifty cent piece for several years. When i changed his tank just a couple days before we left, he was back to around a quarter size (his size changed, depending on how much he ate, and weather there was grass in his tank to munch on.) We thought he would live forever at this point. Jenn and simon and I were just talking about him earlier in the week.
Jesse found Turtle dead today. He was nine and a half years old. I am far away, and cant do anything about it but be sad.
Monday, April 20, 2009
back to belly, belly to back
Emma has rolled several times from her belly to her back, and did it for Jason once this weekend. It is good for him to get to see her do some new things once in a while. Friday and Saturday, Jason and I attended Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, and Emma was left with Jason's grandparents. I didn't tell them that sometimes she is a monster, or that sometimes she wont take the bottle. I thought it would be better if they could just go into the weekend confidently. :) Emma did great! It was her first real amount of time being babysat, and she napped well, ate well, everything. On Saturday morning, she also decided to show off a little for the great grandparents, and roll from her back to her belly, twice! Now I need to pay a little closer attention so she doesn't roll off of things, since I know she can!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
hello
Hello footie pajamas.
Hello mash box set.
Hello sleepless night.
---
Today was a good, long day. My good, long day has now decided not to end. At ten thirty Jason was ready for bed, and by eleven I was in bed too. The problem is that I'm just not tired. After my first attempt at letting Aunty Google sing me to sleep I tried to sleep for another half hour. Then a long hot uninterrupted shower, followed by footie pajamas, and M*A*S*H season 7 disk 3 on Play All. I have a baby blanket to finish, and Alan Alda to keep me company. Hopefully I wont be paying for this tomorrow.
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