six months

Emma is six months old now. She laughs and laughs sometimes, and I feel like it makes everything else worth it. I still have baby nightmares, of baby cracking her head open, drowning in the tub, being left in the hot car, and other awful things, but they are starting to go away some. I am hoping that this arbitrary date of six months will help. I still listen for her breathing in the baby monitor at night, even though shes been in her own room since march.

Aunt Doris passed away this weekend, and I think that is what kicked my baby nightmares back up a notch. Think of Kalaya, and Miranda, and Wanita, and all the Brownson girls. Aunt Doris was Kalaya's last grandparent. I cant imagine.

an old post, finished.

I finally finished the story of the day Emma was born. It is l o n g. But if you want to read it, there it is.

Emma's Birth Day

a story

I am sunburned, from working outside all weekend in a strapless top. My back is worst, but the tops of my boobs are also burned. Emma has scratch little patting fingers. Ouch four times a day.

The End

its time

I am ready to start working out. Emma is five and a half months old, and so is all the extra weight I am carrying.

I have already decided that at six months I will stop nursing. (This will be best for us both because Emma has started to fight me at feedings. She twists and grunts, sucks then turns away to scream and turns back to suck again. Not every feeding, but most. We will both be happier when she is drinking formula. I may continue one or two feedings a day for a couple more months, we will see how that goes.)

Now it is time to decide to start working out. In the last three weeks I have lost six pounds, doing absolutely nothing and continuing to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. That's really encouraging. With the end of nursing in sight, I can begin to think about what I am eating again, and to work out consistently and not worry about my milk supply. (Previously, if I tried to eat healthy foods or work out a couple times a week, my milk fluctuated greatly. I couldn't risk it, and adopted my whatever, whenever policy along with Fenugreek when Ive needed it and have had ample milk supply.) The down side of these two decisions is that my nursing may finally be paying off and helping me to loose some weight just when Ive decided to quit. That is something I will just have to deal with, because I know its time.

I am making the internet my accountability partner. I will do this. So thats whats new at home.

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I suppose I should also mention that Australia was wonderful. We had a great time, and Jason's already planning for the next trip. I think my favorite part was dipping Emma in the ocean. I have always loved the ocean. Jenn and I used to drive to Heceta just to stand for a few minutes and come back home. It was nice to first introduce Emma to the other side of the pacific with Jenn.