Tuesday, November 25, 2008

you dont really want to know. really. its depressing.

Dr Anstine was great. Sympathetic, but not willing to induce me before 40 weeks without medical reasons. Lucky me, I came in with high blood pressure today, and they sent me over to labor and delivery to be monitored for a while, and hopefully to be admitted. Before that, she checked me and stripped my membranes again. It was incredibly painful this time, I couldn't help but cry. I haven't spotted from it or anything, so I'm not sure how much good it did, but I have had some good contractions since then. At Labor and Delivery they told me I was dilated to 4 and 70% effaced. (I had forgot to ask Dr Anstine with all the drama.) Anstine doesn't think I will make it much longer, but I've heard that before. Several times.

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I apologize that this is so scattered, I am crampy and uncomfortable, and generally unhappy... making it difficult to focus.
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The deal we struck was that: if I continue to have blood pressure issues, to come in, if my water breaks, to come in, if my contractions (do as they are supposed to and) become regular, to come in. If none of these things happen, I will show up on Tuesday, December 2nd at 7am to be induced.

I am (of course) frustrated, and would be content to crawl into a warm tub with hot coco and a pillow (I know this isn't possible really, but it sounds wonderful) and stay there till Emma comes, or till Tuesday morning. This weekend is supposed to be wonderful, family is coming and I really am looking forward to seeing all of them, I just don't know if I can take it in my present state. I don't want to even be around myself right now, let alone caring family members who don't know when to stop asking me questions and offering me sympathy about how miserable I must feel. I am going to need a lot of prayer this weekend. Starting now.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

tired

I saw Dr Carlson yesterday. I didn't even have to ask him to do anything. When I told him about the last two weeks (since I had seen him last) and my trip to the hospital last Saturday, he immediately told me what he was willing to do. He stripped my membranes, and did a really good job of it. Marley, his nurse, came in during the exam and held my hand. She knew what he was going to do and because I am still dilated to a four, the he had more room (than a one or a two) to do a thorough job.

I left very sore, and got a berry berry smoothie from emerald smoothie with Sarah. We took a walk to Jason's dad's house that is near theirs so that I could take some pictures to list the house on craigslist. We all went to Chapala's for dinner, then to Jennifer's house for some games. Jason and I were exhausted, and left at nine to come home.

I have had much stronger contractions since my appointment and throughout the night, along with some bleeding from Carlson. They say that is a good sign, that he did a good job. I didn't sleep last night, I was up about every hour to go to the bathroom until five, then slept through till nine thirty. I have had just a few more contractions this morning, but nothing regular.

Carlson is on call this weekend, and said that if my contractions get regular, and strong enough that I feel like I need to breath through them, to come in and as long as I am dilated to a four or five they will keep me.

So now we wait and see how things go. I am tired of waiting and my stress level is rising. I am so easily upset I have been avoiding my friends good intentions because I just don't know what to say.

Friday, November 21, 2008

fingers crossed

I am meeting with Dr Carlson today, and hoping that I wont be able to post again for a couple of days. Im nervous because he isnt Dr Anstine, and even though I have the best relationship with him out of the partners, it isnt as good as my relationship with Anstine. I am asking him to do something (anything) which they typically dont do before 41 weeks, and Im just not sure how he will react.

(Baby Jesse is giggling in his sleep behind me. :)

Jason decided last night that he wants to come with me to this appointment, even though it is durring his work day. I already made plans for Sarah to come with me, so I will pick up Jason, and Sarah will meet me there. If we get admitted, great. If we dont, I will take Jason back to work and go grab a smoothie or something with Sarah to cheer up.

Monday, November 17, 2008

dear dr carter,

We are not friends.
Love,
Sarah.

As you know, my appointment with the last remaining partner (who does any OB care) was this morning. I had been warned about him, but thought to myself that having Jason there would help make things more comfortable. He seemed to relate to the straightforward, dominate male type best. My weight is good, I gained half a pound, and my blood presure was just a tiny bit higher than last week (no doubt because of my frustration with Emma). Carter was chatty, but seemed to ignore my responses to his questions. He mesured me, but didnt say what it was. He didnt feel Emma to make sure shes still in a good position. He didnt even bother to find her back to get her heart beat, so I had goo smeared all over my tummy by the time he was finished. He didnt tell me her heart rate either. He was not interested in how I am feeling, or weather or not I have had any contractions. He did not want to check me because I am "only" 38 weeks, and "you just dont deliver at 38 weeks."

He repeted himself, explaining that there is just no reason to intervien at 38 weeks, and that is the policy everywhere, not just at St Lukes. He gave me statistics, and when I told him I dont like statistics, nor do I care about them, he repeted more. He told me that everything I have been told about when to come in when I think I am in labor is essentially wrong, and that I will "just know". I left feeling frustrated, talked down to, dissmissed as being an emotional pregnant woman, and felt that he was simply appeasing me by offering to let me make another appointment for Thursday or Friday this week to be checked again.

So I made it with Dr Carlson, who I very much like, for Friday at 240. Carter seemed to think that intervention at 39 weeks was much more plausable than at 38, so hopefully Carlson will feel that is is reasonable also. Jason or Sarah will come with me to this appointment, and should something happen that I leave there still pregnant with no hope for being un-pregnant, I see Dr Anstine on the 25th (Tuesday) and I am nearly certian that she will do what I want.

Emma has four more days to come see the world on her own terms if she'd like to. Please pray for us, I am not sleeping at night because that is when the contractions are worst, so Jason is not sleeping at all. I get to catch up durring the day though. I have been pretty low stress overall, but when it hits, I feel like I could cry for days before I started feeling better. I would love to wake up having wet the bed because my water broke, and be able to go in on my own. Or even to get these contractions to intensify so I can go in on my own. I am practicing patience, and taking lots of long hot showers. Hopefully this will not last much longer, and Emma will be here with us on the outside of my tummy.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

heres the story

I have been having contractions for two weeks. Last Monday, I was dilated to three at my appointment. My contractions have continued since then, along with several other positive signs of labor. They are worse at night, and disappear towards morning, but Saturday was the exception. Saturday morning I went to work with Jason to finish up a project before Monday and walked the office while he worked. Around 1030 contractions became regular every two to three minutes and continued. I kept tract and let Jason know. We finished up his work at the office, then went to lunch at Red Robin, and headed to St Lukes.

I checked in to triage and drank some juice to wake Emma up. Her heart rate was good, and my contractions continued at one and a half to three minutes apart. I was dilated to four. The problem was that the contractions weren't strong enough. I walked the halls with Jason for an hour and then was checked again. My contractions haven't changed at all. They hang out around every two minutes, and the intensity stayed the same. I was still dilated to four, still not thinned.

So after two hours at St Lukes, they sent me home and said it could be a couple hours, or days, but I should be able to feel the contractions intensify and know when to return. It has been another full day since then, and my contractions are still every two to three minutes. I have back pain and cramping with them, but their intensity is only slightly increased. I do not want to have to see Dr Carter tomorrow, but I will at least have Jason with me and I pray that one of the doctors will be willing to help my labor along.

It has been a hard weekend, and I am frustrated. Please keep praying for us, for my energy and my baby's desire to enter the world. :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

i am not a patient person.

Really. Are you surprised? I hate waiting. I know, I'm not even due for two and a half more weeks, so whats my problem, right? Everything that is supposed to mean labor is coming soon has happened and passed, and I am still at home waiting for regular contractions or my water to break.

Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.

I even rearanged the furniture in Emmas room yesterday. Last night seemed SO promising, for almost an hour of timing (which is very hard to do by yourself I learned) my contractions were regular, and getting closer together. Then they just went back to being irregular. Durring the night I had very regular contractions, all night long, but they dwindle as morning gets closer and when I finally get up they are back to being very irregular.

Patience is so hard for me. I need distraction. Or labor. I would be okay with that too. :)

Monday, November 10, 2008

tmi

In two words, bloody show.
And no, it is not from my appointment today, I am sure. It happened hours after my spotting from the appointment stopped. This has to mean good things!

one, two...

Three!
I met with Dr Carlson this morning and when he checked me he said I am dialated to three but only thinned a little. This is good news, because I am just at 37wk 2days. He thinks Emma is definitly big enough to come out too. I am ahead of scedule, and just need to get thinned some more, so Jason and I are going to take another long walk around our subdivision tonight. Carlson told us that he is on call this weekend, and if he's got to be on call, he might as well deliver lots of babies. :) I think that means that its not too far a possibility for me to have her soon.

So it looks like my week of contractions (that stopped Saturday night and started up again just after my appointment today) are doing a lot of good, and we may get to see Emma soon! Please keep praying for us, I am definitly getting achey and sore, and impatient. And as amused as Jason is about my old wives tales, I think he is tired of being forced to go for long walks at night. :)

Friday, November 7, 2008

dont drop the baby

Emma has dropped!

Im not sure how much, but hopefully enough to be another bit of convincing for Dr Carlson. I thought on tuesday that she seemed lower, but this morning I am sure! (I now have that magic pregnant belly table that all the women in my life have talked about setting their plates on. :)

I am officially full term tomorrow, and promise that by the end of today my bag will be completely packed. Jason and I spent last night cleaning the house so I feel a lot better about that being nearly complete. (Nesting anyone? Why do birds get to collect things and create a bigger mess and humans have to pick up after themselves? It doesnt seem fair.)

I just keep reminding myself, I am almost there.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

thanks to eve

I am having contractions. Of all sorts. They started Monday after my (boring) doctor appointment and lasted until Tuesday morning, then came back again Tuesday night and I have had a couple more this morning.

Most of them are fake, and come about every four or five minutes and last for about thirty seconds and are just irritating.

Sometimes, they are not fake. Sometimes they are real live painful contractions that burn across my back and stay there while coming up in the front. Those ones last just a little longer, and I can feel them get stronger and then lighten up again.

I am praying that these contractions are helping me out enough to make my plea hard to say no to on Monday, so go ahead and pray with me that (well, first that Emma turns her head around so they don't hurt as bad in the back... :) and) these continue! More real ones than fake would be nice though, if I get to be picky. :D

Monday, November 3, 2008

encore presentation

I met Dr Grissom this morning. She looks much younger online than in person. Overall she was nice enough. She smiled a couple times. She listened to Emma's heart for a minute and didn't say anything about my weight gain. But that was it. I am still measuring a week ahead.

I will be full term next week, and that is when I see Dr Carlson, who I already know that I like. Please pray that i will know what to say to him in order to convince him that i need to be induced a week ahead of my due date, that it would work out so much better for everyone involved if he would be willing to do it. So, next week I will have news.

going to see the wizard

I have another doctor appointment this morning at eleven, with another new doctor. I am glad to get to meet them all, I just dont really want to do it ever again this late in pregnancy. Today is Dr Grissom, she has red hair, so I will try to like her. And Jason is going to meet me there, so I wont be alone. :)

I will let you know how it goes!