Tuesday, December 30, 2008

it has been a while, but i still dont have time

Christmas was great, travel to California was just fine, and Emma did really well. She will be hungry soon, so I just have a couple minutes to say I really want her to start sleeping in her bassinet longer than one sleep period at night, and also to figure out what is making her gassy so I can stop eating it. On top of that, mom is here for the week (we got so much done today, and I feel like my house if finally comming back).

Besides asking for some prayer that things with Emma will settle down into a routine again, I have been very very cold the last couple days. Ive been tired, and last ngiht i woke up several times just drowning is sweat. Tonight, after putting on more clothes and turning on the fireplace several times, I decided to go check my temperature. It is usually around 97.7 to 98 degrees (cold, I know.) Tonight it was 100.2, but I had just taken my vitamins, so a half hour later or so I took it again, and it was 101.3. I have taken some tylenol, but really just need to get feeling better, and figure out why I've got a little bit of a feaver.

I browsed all your blogs tonight, and I am so glad that everyone is doing well, and yay Rosie! I am very glad that she is feeling so much better. In the new year all our visiting will be over, and I will have a chance to work with Emma on her sleeping so that I will have time to update a little more.

Monday, December 15, 2008

emma's birth day

She is still out, so I am going to take a chance that she will stay asleep, and write about the day she was born before I start forgetting things.
* Edit May 28, 2009 I am still trying to finish this, and get all the details down, this time Emma is sitting on the floor with me, sitting up by herself and playing with her bug that Auntie Jenn had for her in Australia.
--

After a very full week and weekend with both our families in town Jason and I survived the Day The World Fell Apart (TM) mostly because it didn't. Saturday, November 29th was my due date. It was also the date of the anniversary party at College Church for his grandparents 60th anniversary. It was also the day of family photos. (These were not just any sort of family photos... they were photos of the WHOLE family: grandparents, their five girls and husbands, and kids, and kids spouses, and kids of kids. Then they broke it down into grandparents with one daughter and her whole family, and into four generation photos for each family... lets just say it took a while.) We survived it, and Emma did not come.

Despite Jason's efforts. :)



Each evening during the family time, we had cousins and siblings over at our house to play Apples to Apples, and In A Pickle. We did this again Saturday night until about midnight (which was typical.) Theses games are a lot of fun, especially with the group we had playing. We laughed and teased each other, the whole bit. Poor Christopher, and always getting distracted, forgetting to play his turn, then I had pregnant brain, and would ask "Is it my turn?" over and over and it was always his. It became our joke when there was a still moment in the game. "Is it my turn?"

I had been having contractions about three to five minutes apart for several weeks, and at one point they were two minutes apart but they didn't have enough intensity to qualify as labor. They did on the other hand, have enough intensity to irritate me immensely, and to be a bit painful. I have had the real thing, and can say from experience, that they were not Braxton Hicks contractions. Throughout that day I had been feeling them regularly, and when we went back to College Church for dinner I could tell that Emma had dropped quite a bit. Andie noticed too, so we crossed our fingers.

Jason and I went to bed around midnight, and I slept typically considering I was 40 weeks pregnant. I woke at 4am and noticed that my contractions were getting a little stronger, so i rolled over so that I could see Jason's clock to time them while I tried to go back to sleep. I did manage to doze a little until 440am and it was then I decided that Finally, I was in labor. I kept timing, and let Jason sleep as long as he could, until around 530am he woke up and I told him what was happening. We talked about weather or not it was time to go and he knew already that I didn't want to sit and wait at the hospital, and I was Not going to be sent home again. We got up at 550am, and left the house at 6am. Jason drove quite fast to St Luke's Downtown and I reminded him several times that it was painful for him to make jerky motions while driving. (In a very kind and patient way, I might add. Really. I was nice to him, he was pretty nervous.)

We had to stop and wait out a couple contractions on the way to Labor and Delivery, but were soon checked in and strapped in to monitors. Katy was our nurse, and gave the good news of "You're a five, that means you get to stay." i teared up a little, and Jason asked, isn't this what you wanted? Of course it was. but that meant that very soon I would be pushing an Enormous (because Swajakoski said she was big) baby out! :| Katy tried to get an IV in four times before we went upstairs to my delivery room, and each time blew my vein. She gave me a break and ran a tub of water for me while we waited for my monitoring to get to half an hour.

Upstairs I got in the tub and started having back labor. Terrible Back Labor. Katy tried my IV two more times, then called someone else to do it. I turned in the tub so that I was was on my knees, leaning over the outside edge. I kept getting dizzy (I thought from the warm water because baths often make me dizzy, but apparently, I am too good at breathing, and was causing myself to hyperventilate.) I don't know who came up to put in my IV, but she did a great job, once it was finally in. I had said to Jason during this time that if it continued to hurt that bad, I would want something. I had another contraction while I was getting the IV (which took an hour an a half from the first prick to the last) and said something to Jason (who was standing in the doorway with Katy) about hurting and I heard Katy say to him "They always say that when they are getting close, that they cant do it." I jumped in and said "Oh i can do it. I just don't want to FEEL it anymore." Katy laughed and remarked about what good hearing I must have. She had meant the comment just for Jason. :)

A few minutes after everyone left the bathroom, I focused on the shine of light on the faucet and the pain started to go away. Katy came to check Emma's heart rate in the tub, and couldn't get it (I wasn't worried, because I could feel her fighting the contractions the whole time) so up I went to a birthing ball beside the bed. She found it, and Emma was fine. The change in temperature made me feel like I could go to the bathroom, so Katy and Jason walked me to the toilet, and that is where i spent the most amount of time. I never peed. but I sat there, starring at the spot of shine on the foot of my IV pole until I told Jason I was ready to push.

He ran out of the room calling for Katy and she walked into the bathroom, looked at me and said "so you think you're ready to push? Well, you're not going to do it there." They walked to the bed and Katy checked my cervix, a ten. Not just a ten, but a "Go call Dr Grissom" ten. There was a little bit of a rush to get things spread out and Dr Grissom was in the room pretty quick. Katy told me I could push a little if I needed to, but otherwise to wait. I was too afraid to push at all, so I tried to wait. Dr Grissom had the same reaction, thinking there was no way that I could be so ready. I hadn't pushed at all yet, and I was a first time mom, and I had only been upstairs for a couple of hours... But I was ready and so was Emma.

I saved Jason from my bits when one of the nurses asked if he wanted my leg I told her that i needed his hand. He was on my right, and Katy was on my left. I told Katy "here comes another one" and she wanted me to push but i was scared it would hurt (the logic I had in these moments is just astounding don't you think? :) She convinced me that it would hurt less to push (not sure why I believed that) so I did. I don't remember exactly how many times I had to push, but I think it was five. Jason was wearing his "I may not be very smart, but I can lift heavy things" shirt, and the dot of the i in lift was my focal point while waiting to push. He was nervous, and wiggling and i told him to "HOLD STILL" and Katy explained why in a nicer way. :) I do remember pushing through my water on the third one and the warm wet and wonderful feeling, of warmth on a very sore area. Also, the pressure that came with losing that cushion. Another push and her head was out. An eternity passed before I could push again, and that's when I most wanted to. I kept asking and everyone in the room kept telling me no. Finally, one last push and Dr Grissom laid a very puffy bloody purplish crying baby on my chest.



Jason cut her cord. It took him two cuts to get through. after the placenta delivered (which also felt kind of soothing because of the warmth) they took Emma to clean her up a bit. Jason followed Emma but was brought back after a minute or two of stitches. I had a grade three tear, it took Dr Grissom much longer to stitch me up than for Emma to be born. There was a second round of shots after I could feel the stitches again, and they gave Emma back to me to serve as a distraction.

Emma was Born at 1002 am Sunday November 30, 2008.



She was 8 pounds 11 ounces and 22 inches long. Emma's Blood sugar was low, and because of that, she had constant foot pricks and tests to make sure it was going up from her feedings.

We had LOTS of visitors throughout the day because most of Jason's family was still in town from the anniversary party. We stayed in the Hospital that night, and came home the next evening. The rest of the story you already know.


Here are photos of Katy, our nurse, trying to get Emma's blood sugar up with a little bit of formula, Jason's and Emma together for the first time, and Emma and I just after she was born.






a few minutes

Emma has been fussy, I think her stomache is upset. Mine is, and I dont know what I ate that caused it, but its been almost three days so I'm sure it is getting to her too. Right now, I finally got her to sleep for more than ten minutes and quickly got some dye in my hair (to deal with the very obvious inch and a half of growth in the last six weeks). Now I just need her to stay asleep for another hour so I can let it set, and shower. :)

I have been in a dilema for the last several days, and have joked about it with Sarah, but I think I will ask seriously, for how long is it acceptable to wear maternity clothes (pants) after one is no longer pregnant? I got out all my pants, regular slacks and jeans that I have fit in throughout the last few years, and several larger sizes that I bought for job interviews early in this pregnancy and none of them fit. I know that not all women deal with this, but that many do; my hips are so different now than a year ago, I'm not sure how long it will be, if ever i can fit into some of my clothes. (And by different, I mean much much wider. Really.) If things go well today, I may go buy one pair of pants if I can find a pair that fits okay. We leave for California Friday morning, and though it is fine at home to stay in my maternity pants or pajamas all the time, I dont think I will get away with it as easily for ten days in California. In happier news, last time I stepped on the scale, I had lost twenty five pounds of baby already. There is just a bit much left to go. :)

So wish me luck about pants shopping, I have never had much luck with it, and though I KNOW I need to, it's depressing.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

lactation consultants check up

Yesterday at 230 we went to see the ladies at St Lukes again. I just wanted to check on Emma's weight, since she needs to be back up to 8lb 11oz by the 18th, and she was still hanging out at eight pounds for three days in a row. She was so good running errands and only got upset in the car for a minute because of her diaper. When I got to our appointment, she was alert and happy, all on her own. We put her on the scale and she looked up at me and just grinned. Wendy (I think that was her name) got so excited because it was clearly not a gas smile, but one just because she saw me. She was 8lb 6oz on the scale before eating, and gained two more ounces eating, in just twenty minutes instead of taking an our to eat. Wendy said she is doing perfectly, that it appears her PT has worked great, and she finally is taking in enough to gain some weight. I am supposed to keep taking the Fenugreek for a few more weeks, then taper off of it, and my milk supply should be able to sustain itself with just Emma's nursing.

Yesterday was such a good day. I think Emma was fussy for a total of an hour durring the whole day and it was preventable, or fixable every time. Today is going just as well, and when Jason gets back from having new tires put on my car, we are going to give her her very first real bath. I have been using just a wash cloth because she hated her bath in the hospital so much, but hopefully this one will go a little better.

Thank you so much for all the prayers, I am feeling ebtter each day, but ready for my stitches to stop being sore, and to stop feeling so weak. Emma is making progress every day and Jason is finally starting to feel like she doesnt hate him. He is so impatient, and wants her to be cooing and cuddly right now. :)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

last night

Emma has a belly button. :)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

while emma is calm

I should be using these few moments to clear the laundry off the couch, and unload and reload the dishwasher, but instead I am going to update all of you on the happenings of the week. Eventually I want to write about Emma's delivery, just so I remember everything, but I think its more important to talk about this week for now.

I visited the lactation consultants (Joan) on Wednesday and got a little encouragement and advice as well as a return appointment for Friday afternoon. While we were there Friday, Emma did great. She had been wonderful for the last two days, eating well, sleeping well, I even had time and energy to shower and fix my hair before our appointment Friday. After she had a bit to eat, Joan weighed her again to see what was in her tummy, and she started to get a little fussy. She was still hungry, and had the beginnings of a dirty diaper. (Keep this in mind, Emma does not like to wait for anything. If she is hungry, she wants it NOW. If she is dirty, she wants changed NOW, weather she is actually finished or not. She has no problem making those things known.) Joan was writing down her weight and talking to me before she gave Emma back, and in her fit, she started to turn "dusky" or blueish while she cried. Emma uses up a whole breath (entirely) then gasps for air to cry some more. Joan and Joyce (Sarah, I finally remembered her name) both were quite concerned, and immediately called the resident, who ran up four flights of stairs to check on Emma. No one was telling me anything, I told them, this is just how she cries.

The resident called Emma's doctor, who we had yet to meet, and decided to admit her for a period of 23 hour observation to do some tests and see what was going on. I called Jason and he left work to come be with me. Over the next day, she had two chest xrays, an echo cardiogram, a full set of labs, and continued monitoring of her blood sugar (even though they were all well in the normal range, they continued to poke her feet). There were respiratory therapists who came in the room, looked at her oxygen levels and left (having done nothing), there were many nurses, one of which i did not like at all, and one who was very soft spoken and kind. The nice one was during the late parts of the night, which was so nice, I was too warn out by then.

After we were admitted, they saw one more "episode" when the (not nice) nurse wanted to check her blood sugar after I had already told him that her diaper was dirty and needed changed, and she needed to be fed. He went ahead and poked her heel anyway, and she screamed and her stats started to drop, as she cries then gasps for a new breath. Then, they wouldn't let me do anything to console her till her stats were back up- which took longer because she was upset at being made to stay in her diaper and hunger while being poked. That nurse made me Crazy. (He was the only person that I snapped at while we were there, because he was treating me like I was unintelligent when I explained to him that I hadn't had time to breastfeed, and had to supplement (which she doesn't like) because people kept coming in. He told me, "no, I'm pretty sure you can still breastfeed, it wasn't in her orders against it..." Duh. But it is difficult to get a chest xray of Emma, when shes nursing. Hmm.)

Saturday around eleven the cardiologist came in and explained what they thought the problem might be. Either the two sides of Emma's heart had too much pressure still (it is normal in utero) and hadn't slacked up yet but were pumping too hard to her lungs making it difficult to breath, or a tiny hole that is normal in utero also, was allowing un oxygenated blood to pass through into oxygenated blood. After about forty minutes, the test was finished and Dr Alexander turned to us and said her heart is perfect. She explained everything she had seen and told us that she would tell the pediatritian her results and we should expect to hear from him soon. Before she left the room, Emma woke up and threw a fit because she was hungry. Her stats began to drop and Dr Alexander looked at her, and the numbers and said that the monitor must be wrong. Emma did not look at all like her numbers were that low. She had the nurses who rushed in (everytime they dropped in the eighties for too long) turn on all the lights, and she looked at Emma's whole body. She let me pick her up and nurse her, and instantly she was back at 100%.

She ordered a new monitor placed on Emma's hand instead of foot, and we saw that the foot monitor had been completely inacurate. When it said she was dropping into the seventies, the had monitor still read in the nineties. It was evident to Jason and I that all previous information collected from the foot monitor was worthless. We were greatful to have the cardiologist there to whitness an "episode".

Four hours later Jason asked the front desk what else we were waiting on, and if we could go home. We had not see the pediatrician again, and for that matter, had seen no one besides the nurse who had applied the new monitor to her hand. We were told the Doctor was on her way. Another half hour later, the Doctor was still "on her way". The next time he asked, she would "be here in a few minutes". At Five, two hours after we had first asked for the Doctor, she appeared at our door. Not the pediatrician who had spoke to us that morning, but a different resident than the one who had elected to admit us the night before. The were recomending that we stay for another 24 hours of observation.

Why?

There were no reasons. Not even made up on the spot pretend reasons. THey were considering the fit Emma threw with Dr alexander another "episode" even though it was her opinion (proved by replacing the monitor) that her stats had been inacurate. Their policy was to keep us for 24 hours after the last episode. We were begining to think that even the previous ones, had she been under better light rather thna just a lamp or ambient outside lighting, she would have looked more red than blue simply because the lights had been so dim. The resident was opinionless, and had no information for us whatsoever. We told her we were ready to leave, and she had us fill out paperwork that stated we were leaving against medical advice. The nurse who came in to discharge us informed us that in some cases, the insurance will not pay for cases when people leave AMA. Emma had an entire day of tests, more than Jason and I could ever think of affording on our own, but we felt leaving was still the right thing to do.

We got home around seven Saturday evening and Emma has been perfect since then. We called our insurance, and she is covered for her hospital stay. We saw her pediatrician on Monday and explained to him what happened. He had been told over the phone on friday afternoon that she had "stopped breathing and turned blue". Those things never happened. He checked out out throually and I filled out paperwork for him to recieve all her records from St Lukes. We spent Sunday afternoon with out Sunday school class at Pastor Jim's house, then lounging at home till after dinner. Then Emma and I went with Jason to work for several hours to make up for lost time on Friday.

Emma is not eating quite as well as she was Thursday and Friday last week, I feel like I just cant get her tummy full enough. I started taking Fenugreek yesterday, so that should help, and i am still pumping after most feedings. She does not like to eat any way other than nursing, so I have to poke the tiny tip of a 1ml siringe in the corner of her mouth while she is nursing to get her to drink the pumped milk. We are praying my supply goes up soon, so that we know she is getting enough and begins gaining weight. She has pleanty of dirty and wet diapers, so I am not too concerned, I just want my chubby baby to start gaining weight like she is supposed to.

Jason and I are confident that there is nothing wrong with Emma, but welcome all of your prayers for her. I know that it is possible something was wrong friday afternoon, but the masses of people from our church and friends and family who were praying for her may have been enough for God to take care of whatever the problem was. The hurdle I want most to clear now if making sure she gets enough food. I would really appriciate it if you added that to your list.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

she is here!

I have neglected to post mostly because I have NO time. but here is the very short, un capitolized and poorly punctuated version.

emma james fitch was born at 1002 am sunday nov 30. we left home for the hospital at about 550am sunday. she is 22 inches long, and 8 pounds 11 ounces. her head is 14 inches around. (dr swajakoski wasnt kidding when he said she had a big head at 35 weeks!)

she is chubby and healthy, but since leaving the hospital i felt like she wasnt feeding properly and went to see the lactation consultant yesterday. she has lost too much weight and my milk supply just isnt here yet, so we are feeding, suplimenting, pumping. her latch was great, untill after the appointment yesterday because we are switching her back and forth every few minutes to keep her awake and sucking well, she is now really causing me to be sore. the lactaion consultant (joan) said she would be eating about an ounce each time. i feed her some amount of milk from nursing, then she gets about a half an ounce from what i pumped, and she still eats close to an ounce of formula. she is a hungry hungry baby and hopfully my milk supply will catch up with her soon.

there are pictures up at facebook and myspace, and i will add a real post later. in the mean time please pray for the three of us. jasons been back at work since tuesday, so the time he spends with emma is limited, and often she is just screaming. pray that her gas and feeding go away and go up acordingly and that i continue to heal from a very quick delivery that left me very torn and achey as i take care of emma.

she is a beautiful, chubby baby girl, and i am so glad that she is finally here.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

you dont really want to know. really. its depressing.

Dr Anstine was great. Sympathetic, but not willing to induce me before 40 weeks without medical reasons. Lucky me, I came in with high blood pressure today, and they sent me over to labor and delivery to be monitored for a while, and hopefully to be admitted. Before that, she checked me and stripped my membranes again. It was incredibly painful this time, I couldn't help but cry. I haven't spotted from it or anything, so I'm not sure how much good it did, but I have had some good contractions since then. At Labor and Delivery they told me I was dilated to 4 and 70% effaced. (I had forgot to ask Dr Anstine with all the drama.) Anstine doesn't think I will make it much longer, but I've heard that before. Several times.

--
I apologize that this is so scattered, I am crampy and uncomfortable, and generally unhappy... making it difficult to focus.
--

The deal we struck was that: if I continue to have blood pressure issues, to come in, if my water breaks, to come in, if my contractions (do as they are supposed to and) become regular, to come in. If none of these things happen, I will show up on Tuesday, December 2nd at 7am to be induced.

I am (of course) frustrated, and would be content to crawl into a warm tub with hot coco and a pillow (I know this isn't possible really, but it sounds wonderful) and stay there till Emma comes, or till Tuesday morning. This weekend is supposed to be wonderful, family is coming and I really am looking forward to seeing all of them, I just don't know if I can take it in my present state. I don't want to even be around myself right now, let alone caring family members who don't know when to stop asking me questions and offering me sympathy about how miserable I must feel. I am going to need a lot of prayer this weekend. Starting now.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

tired

I saw Dr Carlson yesterday. I didn't even have to ask him to do anything. When I told him about the last two weeks (since I had seen him last) and my trip to the hospital last Saturday, he immediately told me what he was willing to do. He stripped my membranes, and did a really good job of it. Marley, his nurse, came in during the exam and held my hand. She knew what he was going to do and because I am still dilated to a four, the he had more room (than a one or a two) to do a thorough job.

I left very sore, and got a berry berry smoothie from emerald smoothie with Sarah. We took a walk to Jason's dad's house that is near theirs so that I could take some pictures to list the house on craigslist. We all went to Chapala's for dinner, then to Jennifer's house for some games. Jason and I were exhausted, and left at nine to come home.

I have had much stronger contractions since my appointment and throughout the night, along with some bleeding from Carlson. They say that is a good sign, that he did a good job. I didn't sleep last night, I was up about every hour to go to the bathroom until five, then slept through till nine thirty. I have had just a few more contractions this morning, but nothing regular.

Carlson is on call this weekend, and said that if my contractions get regular, and strong enough that I feel like I need to breath through them, to come in and as long as I am dilated to a four or five they will keep me.

So now we wait and see how things go. I am tired of waiting and my stress level is rising. I am so easily upset I have been avoiding my friends good intentions because I just don't know what to say.

Friday, November 21, 2008

fingers crossed

I am meeting with Dr Carlson today, and hoping that I wont be able to post again for a couple of days. Im nervous because he isnt Dr Anstine, and even though I have the best relationship with him out of the partners, it isnt as good as my relationship with Anstine. I am asking him to do something (anything) which they typically dont do before 41 weeks, and Im just not sure how he will react.

(Baby Jesse is giggling in his sleep behind me. :)

Jason decided last night that he wants to come with me to this appointment, even though it is durring his work day. I already made plans for Sarah to come with me, so I will pick up Jason, and Sarah will meet me there. If we get admitted, great. If we dont, I will take Jason back to work and go grab a smoothie or something with Sarah to cheer up.

Monday, November 17, 2008

dear dr carter,

We are not friends.
Love,
Sarah.

As you know, my appointment with the last remaining partner (who does any OB care) was this morning. I had been warned about him, but thought to myself that having Jason there would help make things more comfortable. He seemed to relate to the straightforward, dominate male type best. My weight is good, I gained half a pound, and my blood presure was just a tiny bit higher than last week (no doubt because of my frustration with Emma). Carter was chatty, but seemed to ignore my responses to his questions. He mesured me, but didnt say what it was. He didnt feel Emma to make sure shes still in a good position. He didnt even bother to find her back to get her heart beat, so I had goo smeared all over my tummy by the time he was finished. He didnt tell me her heart rate either. He was not interested in how I am feeling, or weather or not I have had any contractions. He did not want to check me because I am "only" 38 weeks, and "you just dont deliver at 38 weeks."

He repeted himself, explaining that there is just no reason to intervien at 38 weeks, and that is the policy everywhere, not just at St Lukes. He gave me statistics, and when I told him I dont like statistics, nor do I care about them, he repeted more. He told me that everything I have been told about when to come in when I think I am in labor is essentially wrong, and that I will "just know". I left feeling frustrated, talked down to, dissmissed as being an emotional pregnant woman, and felt that he was simply appeasing me by offering to let me make another appointment for Thursday or Friday this week to be checked again.

So I made it with Dr Carlson, who I very much like, for Friday at 240. Carter seemed to think that intervention at 39 weeks was much more plausable than at 38, so hopefully Carlson will feel that is is reasonable also. Jason or Sarah will come with me to this appointment, and should something happen that I leave there still pregnant with no hope for being un-pregnant, I see Dr Anstine on the 25th (Tuesday) and I am nearly certian that she will do what I want.

Emma has four more days to come see the world on her own terms if she'd like to. Please pray for us, I am not sleeping at night because that is when the contractions are worst, so Jason is not sleeping at all. I get to catch up durring the day though. I have been pretty low stress overall, but when it hits, I feel like I could cry for days before I started feeling better. I would love to wake up having wet the bed because my water broke, and be able to go in on my own. Or even to get these contractions to intensify so I can go in on my own. I am practicing patience, and taking lots of long hot showers. Hopefully this will not last much longer, and Emma will be here with us on the outside of my tummy.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

heres the story

I have been having contractions for two weeks. Last Monday, I was dilated to three at my appointment. My contractions have continued since then, along with several other positive signs of labor. They are worse at night, and disappear towards morning, but Saturday was the exception. Saturday morning I went to work with Jason to finish up a project before Monday and walked the office while he worked. Around 1030 contractions became regular every two to three minutes and continued. I kept tract and let Jason know. We finished up his work at the office, then went to lunch at Red Robin, and headed to St Lukes.

I checked in to triage and drank some juice to wake Emma up. Her heart rate was good, and my contractions continued at one and a half to three minutes apart. I was dilated to four. The problem was that the contractions weren't strong enough. I walked the halls with Jason for an hour and then was checked again. My contractions haven't changed at all. They hang out around every two minutes, and the intensity stayed the same. I was still dilated to four, still not thinned.

So after two hours at St Lukes, they sent me home and said it could be a couple hours, or days, but I should be able to feel the contractions intensify and know when to return. It has been another full day since then, and my contractions are still every two to three minutes. I have back pain and cramping with them, but their intensity is only slightly increased. I do not want to have to see Dr Carter tomorrow, but I will at least have Jason with me and I pray that one of the doctors will be willing to help my labor along.

It has been a hard weekend, and I am frustrated. Please keep praying for us, for my energy and my baby's desire to enter the world. :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

i am not a patient person.

Really. Are you surprised? I hate waiting. I know, I'm not even due for two and a half more weeks, so whats my problem, right? Everything that is supposed to mean labor is coming soon has happened and passed, and I am still at home waiting for regular contractions or my water to break.

Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.

I even rearanged the furniture in Emmas room yesterday. Last night seemed SO promising, for almost an hour of timing (which is very hard to do by yourself I learned) my contractions were regular, and getting closer together. Then they just went back to being irregular. Durring the night I had very regular contractions, all night long, but they dwindle as morning gets closer and when I finally get up they are back to being very irregular.

Patience is so hard for me. I need distraction. Or labor. I would be okay with that too. :)

Monday, November 10, 2008

tmi

In two words, bloody show.
And no, it is not from my appointment today, I am sure. It happened hours after my spotting from the appointment stopped. This has to mean good things!

one, two...

Three!
I met with Dr Carlson this morning and when he checked me he said I am dialated to three but only thinned a little. This is good news, because I am just at 37wk 2days. He thinks Emma is definitly big enough to come out too. I am ahead of scedule, and just need to get thinned some more, so Jason and I are going to take another long walk around our subdivision tonight. Carlson told us that he is on call this weekend, and if he's got to be on call, he might as well deliver lots of babies. :) I think that means that its not too far a possibility for me to have her soon.

So it looks like my week of contractions (that stopped Saturday night and started up again just after my appointment today) are doing a lot of good, and we may get to see Emma soon! Please keep praying for us, I am definitly getting achey and sore, and impatient. And as amused as Jason is about my old wives tales, I think he is tired of being forced to go for long walks at night. :)

Friday, November 7, 2008

dont drop the baby

Emma has dropped!

Im not sure how much, but hopefully enough to be another bit of convincing for Dr Carlson. I thought on tuesday that she seemed lower, but this morning I am sure! (I now have that magic pregnant belly table that all the women in my life have talked about setting their plates on. :)

I am officially full term tomorrow, and promise that by the end of today my bag will be completely packed. Jason and I spent last night cleaning the house so I feel a lot better about that being nearly complete. (Nesting anyone? Why do birds get to collect things and create a bigger mess and humans have to pick up after themselves? It doesnt seem fair.)

I just keep reminding myself, I am almost there.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

thanks to eve

I am having contractions. Of all sorts. They started Monday after my (boring) doctor appointment and lasted until Tuesday morning, then came back again Tuesday night and I have had a couple more this morning.

Most of them are fake, and come about every four or five minutes and last for about thirty seconds and are just irritating.

Sometimes, they are not fake. Sometimes they are real live painful contractions that burn across my back and stay there while coming up in the front. Those ones last just a little longer, and I can feel them get stronger and then lighten up again.

I am praying that these contractions are helping me out enough to make my plea hard to say no to on Monday, so go ahead and pray with me that (well, first that Emma turns her head around so they don't hurt as bad in the back... :) and) these continue! More real ones than fake would be nice though, if I get to be picky. :D

Monday, November 3, 2008

encore presentation

I met Dr Grissom this morning. She looks much younger online than in person. Overall she was nice enough. She smiled a couple times. She listened to Emma's heart for a minute and didn't say anything about my weight gain. But that was it. I am still measuring a week ahead.

I will be full term next week, and that is when I see Dr Carlson, who I already know that I like. Please pray that i will know what to say to him in order to convince him that i need to be induced a week ahead of my due date, that it would work out so much better for everyone involved if he would be willing to do it. So, next week I will have news.

going to see the wizard

I have another doctor appointment this morning at eleven, with another new doctor. I am glad to get to meet them all, I just dont really want to do it ever again this late in pregnancy. Today is Dr Grissom, she has red hair, so I will try to like her. And Jason is going to meet me there, so I wont be alone. :)

I will let you know how it goes!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

lame-o

I had my 35 week appointment yesterday with a REAl doctor, rather than the nurse I've been seeing who thinks I am gaining too much weight. (I need to let that go huh? ;)

And it was lame. I had my group b test and that was it. No checking my progress. Nothing. Here's how it went:

Jason drove me in to my 840 appointment and I checked in, then headed to the potty. We were a few minutes early, but they were apparently running on good time because when I stepped out of the potty the nurse was already waiting for me. I gained about a pound and a half in the last two weeks, so that's good. She took me around the corner to a room where Jason was already waiting and checked my blood pressure. Next she stepped out into the hall to check my chart and saw that it was test day, and brought me back one of those thin sheet like things and said that they needed my bottoms off and the doctor would be in shortly.

So I comply, and wait. I sat half naked in the cold covered by a thin not quite big enough to even wrap around my sides sheet thing for forty minutes waiting for him to come in. And to make it worse, I could HEAR the doctor, nurse, and pa student in the hall talking about colonoscopys and mammograms the whole time.

When he finally came in, he didn't introduce himself, but he did introduce the pa student (who I said could come in, not a big deal since I was already dealing with new people looking at my bits.) He listened to her hear beat for about four seconds, measured me (I'm about a week big) then talked to me for a minute about the giant Qtip that he was about to swab me with. He did my test, then felt the baby to make sure she is head down (and thank God she is, FINALLY.) And the pa student got to feel her too, though she had more trouble because Emma got a little wiggly after the doctor had poked at her.

And that was it. Five minutes, tops. He asked me, as he was washing his hands to leave with my chart if I had any questions, and he gave Jason information about when to go to the hospital and all that... I had to stop him and say yes, actually. I do have a question. I told him I had heard from Anstine that he had a great reputation for being able to accurately predict the baby's size, and I wondered how big Emma was. He laid me back down and felt her for a minute again, then dropped this: shes about seven pounds, four ounces. Oh, and she has a pretty big head.

Great.

Michael and Amber just had little baby Ava Noele on Friday, and she was born at seven pounds four ounces. I have at least two more weeks until Emma is allowed to come out, which means two more weeks of getting plumper.

Overall, the appointment was lame. I had to meet a doctor after waiting forty minutes cold and pants less, then get no news about progression, and have to stop him from leaving to even get my one question answered. What sucks is that he was nice, just seemed disinterested in doing his job. And I want to like him, in case he ends up delivering for me!

So pray for my patience. I thought that there was no one else ahead of me, and that the next exciting baby news would be mine, but now there is yet another baby in my church/ small group who is due in just a week and a couple days that will be ahead of me. I want to have her already. I want her out of my tummy and I don't want to wait much longer. I'm cranky. Mostly I am getting a bit hormonal and being at home alone after spending the whole day with Jason yesterday makes me bored and lonely.

That's my story, lame as it is, at least we know I will not be having a skinny bald baby.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

sleep

I took two and a half naps yesterday. The first was around noon, while jason loaded the truck to mow the lawn at the old house, then while sitting on the step in the back I leaned up against the door and let the lawn mower lull me into a semi sleep. I was still so tired that after pulling tags off and unloading gift bags that I curled up with one of Emma's new blankets from her great gramma and her little lamb and napped in the recliner in her room.

I have done something to my shoulder last week that makes it impossible for me to sleep. Or talk on the phone, or cut up anything for dinner... I feel useless. In addition to this, Emma has turned again (which is good, but painful) so that she is head down rather than sideways. It has been about a month since she was head down and she has grown quite a bit since then, so now she is all toes in my ribcage. When I am standing, or sitting up straight she settles down lower. When I try to sleep she stretches out and keeps me awake.

So my point is that I am tired, and slightly cranky, and would do unimaginable things if it enabled me to take loads of Aleve and Benedryl. I am 34 weeks, 3 days pregnant, and have 19 days to full term. Emma should start packing, because I dont know if I can handle her for much more than those 19 days and retain my sanity.

Monday, October 13, 2008

tweedle dee

My latest comparison was made by our pastors wife. I was wearing overalls helping them prep for the patio, and she looked up at me and said I reminded her of Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. Then, just giggled. :) Jason thought it was the best thing he had ever heard. He nearly died.

This morning I had my last appointment with Jill Tracey. I want to like her. But i dont. At all. Durring my appointment today we went over my blood preassure, iron pills, back ache, and weight. Everything was good, (even my weight, but not to her...) She asked me if Ive been walking, and eating much salt, and if I was aware of the total I had gained thus far. I am very active, I eat well (and throw up often, still.) My weight is FINE. I am still within the regular amount of gain, and if Dr Anstine had been there, she wouldnt have said a word. I gained just over a pound since my last appointment. I am supposed to gain one a week untill Emma's out, and my last appointment was a little over a week ago. I did exactally what I was supposed to.

I dont have to deal with her again. In two weeks, I will start weekly appointments with all the different doctors in the practice, and will hopefully have positive news to share. In general, I feel good. Emma has been driving her knees to the outside of my tummy and causing me to cry out in pain suddenly. I bought new jeans today that I LOVE. They are so comfortable, and cute on top of that. I am stealing Jason's long sleve shirts to wear and they are perfect for this weather. Things are going well. And to top it off, I dont care how much weight Ive gained, as long as Emma is doing well. And she is.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

another update

Jason talked to his dad again two nights ago, after Larry had visited with Gram, and some of her doctors. Jason also called and talked to his granpa for a few minutes. He was at home taking a nap to rest up and go sit with Gram all night. Jason said he sounds older now, and that he cant sleep in the hospital. He was glad to talk to Jason for a few minutes, even though the conversation woke him up. I think Jason is one of his favorites.

Larry said that Gram is talking, she has had lots of visitors, and her doctors are considering doing the freezing procedure on her liver still, and posibly looking at her kidney later. She is not ready to come home yet, but she will come home.

Monday afternoon when jason came in from the garage and told me he had just talked to his dad, I thought the worst. That we were making an unplanned trip that we cant afford to a funeral that no one expected. After an evening of pulling all the prayer strings we could think of, we got another message that she was talking, and all her tubes from surgery were removed. Now, she is recovering normally. They are talking about different procedures that are still possibilities and looking forward.

Every time I feel Emma kick I have a moment with God about how much my baby needs her great gramma. We all appriciate your prayers, and I will do what I can to keep you updated about Gram.

One more thing, my next appointment with Emma is on Monday. It is my last one with Jill Tracey, then I will start seeing the Doctors in the practice again.

Monday, October 6, 2008

update

After small group tonight, Jason checked his messages and we were very warmed by one from his dad. The bleeding has been stopped, and for a few minutes, Gram was awake. The doctor explained to her what they found and she and Grampa were very shaken. In the course of several more hours she recovered enough to be breathing on her own, her heart rate has stabilized, blood pressure is good, and the bleeding has not returned. It looks like she will recover from the surgery, though, it was not a sucessfull one. We still dont know if they have any plans to go ahead with the later surgery on her kidney or not- either way, it will be a while from now. Her job now is to recover. Larry said it would be okay to call them tomorrow, so tomorrow night Jason will get a chance to talk to his gram and gramps and let them know about all the people praying and how much we love them.

Thank you for your prayers.

emmas great gramma

Today, Jason's Gramma Fitch had surgery scheduled to remove a part of her liver and biopsy her kidney. We found out while we were in Guatemala from his mom that gram had leukemia. Then, that the leukemia was very slow moving, and her diabetes would end her life before the leukemia ever got that bad. Then, the doctors changed their mind. It was liver cancer. It had spread to her kidney.

Surgery was planned to remove the cancerous part of her liver, and to biopsy her kidney, because a specialist did not think it was cancer on her kidney. Last night as she was in the hospital prepping for this morning's surgery with the family and pastor Marvin with her she was not in a good place. Her brother died from liver cancer. Her mother had one surgery, and never came out of it. She was saying her goodbyes, as her husband, and kids, and grandkids, and pastor stood around her. Jason and I are the only part of the family that couldnt be there last night, and cant be there now.

Katie called this morning to let us know about last night, and that she had gone into surgery this morning. When Jason called this afternoon and asked his mom if she was there at the hospital, she gave the phone to his dad. When they opened her up- they saw that her liver is completely deteriorated, as if shes been a life long alcoholic. It is from the medicine she takes for her diabetes. Larry takes the same medicine for his. They couldnt even pick up her liver, it just started bleeding, and they did what they could to get her closed up and stable.

Now, the family is waiting for her to stabalize, so they can talk about "options." She isnt waking up from surgery without an incredible miracle. One similar to the one growing in my tummy right now, that at this point, she will never get to meet. Katie told her she had to make it to her wedding, and that she wasnt getting married last night, so she needed to make it through surgery. I wish I could tell her that I have a greatgrandbaby who wants to meet her, miracle for miracle.

Please pray for Jason (he has never lost a family member close to him before. This is the gramma he grew up with.) and for his family. His grandpa and dad are taking this especially hard, for seperate reasons. His grandpa is afraid of life without her, and his dad sees his own mortality because the drug he is taking is doing the same thing to his liver right now.

We need lots of prayer.

Friday, October 3, 2008

thirty two weeks

So, I had a doctors appointment yesterday. It was actually pretty lame, I drove into Boise for a thirteen minute appointment with Jill Tracy. Those thirteen minutes included peeing, and waiting in the lobby.

I was weighed (I am up four more pounds in the last two weeks) and that still looks pretty good. Then my blood presure was checked, it is staying right where it is supposed to. I measured a little big, but she was measuring me at thrity two weeks, thinking it was closer to thirty one. Emma's heart rate was right at 150 bpm, she held still just long enough to get all my tummy stuff over then started her wiggling again.

Jill asked about my back pain, I told her it is feeling a bit better. I told her that the only change for me this week is that my colostrum came in on Tuesday, and she didnt really seem to care. It was a little traumatic for me, considering that I still have eight weeks to go I didnt expect it quite this soon. I have started taking my iron, and will probably have another blood test in two or three weeks to make sure it is working.

I have one more appointment with Jill, then I start seeing doctors and will know if I am progressing at all.

Elko, NV

Evidence that I am in fact pregnant. :) I am begining to feel enormous, and here are a few pictures of how I actually look. Also, Heidi and Cassie (who is about tenty four weeks in these photos). We had a great trip, despite the long not really exciting drive.





Friday, September 26, 2008

super extra pregnant size

Jason and I had lunch together today. We drove through Wendys, on our way back to the hospital again, and as he was ordering my lunch he asked what size I wanted. Medium? Large? Super Extra Pregnant Size? What a sweet man I married. Isnt he lucky to have a wife that wont kill him for teasing her when shes hyped up on hormones? ;) We have fun.

In other news- baby Jesse is Finally here! I spent the day at the hospital with Jesse and Sarah yesterday, and at 617pm he was born. I think he is adorable, though his head was a bit mishapen. It has become a lot more normal looking since then. I am so excited to have a little one to dote on while we wait for mine to decide it is time to come.

In about half an hour, Heidi and I are headed to Elko to visit our friend Cassie for the weekend. It will be SO good to spend some time with her, we havent seen her since graduation! Besides, this will probably be my last little trip before Emma will be tagging along in a less convienant way. I packed things this morning, said goodbye to Jason at work when I dropped him off after visiting baby, and now Im just excited to spend the weekend with some of the girls. (Katie was planning to come with us, but things came up last minute at work, and she isnt able to. The groups not quite complete, but we will have fun anyway.)

Also, I recieved a phone call from my doctors office today. My glucose test came back just fine, no diabetes for this pregnancy. Yay! But, Im (surprise) anemic. So the little black iron pills and I are making friends starting about half an hour ago. I have been so exhausted lately, and just recovered from being sick a week or two ago, I cant wait for a week to go by and to begin to start feeling better.

Well, I am off to grab a super extra pregnant size glass of water, and put my feet up untill Heidi gets here. :)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

twentynine weeks five days

I met with Jill Tracey today, the NP at my doctors office. Dr Anstine delivered on monday, and will be back to see me at my last appointment, but untill then, I am seeing everyone. Jill again the next two times, two weeks apart, then Dr Swaksjdfskdjfh... or whatever his name is. And weekly after that I will see Grissom, Carlson, and Carter. November twentyfifth I will see Anstine again, and I have another sceduled for December second just incase, also with Dr Anstine.

So, the appointment today was pretty mundane. I drank my orange drink, which wasnt bad at all. It reminded me of Slice that has been sitting out too long. Since I dont like orange soda normally, (its not bad, just not what I would choose) thats what I expected this to taste like. I had another ultrasound and watched Emma hide her face again. The only thing we got to see was that she has a little hair. (Yay my baby's not bald! :D) I met with Jill, then went in to try another ultrasound, with the same results, then had my blood stolen. I did not lay down, and I did not get faint. :)

So thats it. I go back in on October second.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

i lost my tummy button

This morning(ish) as I was putting lotion on I noticed that when I pull at the sides of my tummy, my button sticks out! Now I know this is totally normal, but it really startled me this morning, because I wasnt expecting to look down and see and outie! Trivial, right? I prepared myself for bigger clothes, stretchmarks, moodiness, aches and pains, but for some reason I though my button would be spared. And I was wrong.

Friday, September 5, 2008

ugh

After my incredibly productive day yesterday (I painted my pantry door, and organized the inside of the pantry for the first time since moving in, cleaned every surface of my kitchen, and did three loads of odds and ends of dishes) I woke up this morning sick.

I have had a sore throat in the morning for the last couple days, but when I woke up at 230 this morning, I knew that it was more. This is the second summer cold ive had this year. And I am NOT prone to sickness. But I am irritated. I still have quite a bit to do to get ready for the bbq Sunday, and now Im loosing a whole day because I dont even want to move.

At least Emma is still inside of me today, so I can be sick and only have to deal with myself and the puppies. Gosh Im cranky today.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

progress

Baby progress is this: I have gained 16 pounds in the last six weeks. That is more than I have gained in pregnancy combined up to six weeks ago. Eep. :| But, I know right where it is going because Emmas toes can reach my ribs. And I have a LONG waist. Really. My mom is four inches shorter than i am, and we wear the same lenght of pants. Most of my body is in the middle, which has been great for keeping me from looking like a beach ball. Ive got more the watermelon shape going on. But that means Emma is getting big, and fast. I also think that she likes the homemade peanutbutter cups that have been my daily snack this week. :D

Home progress is this: Jason finished the edges around the rosebushes, and we were only one block short. It looks so nice on that side of the yard now. He worked on that end of the retaining wall too- so it has at least one row all the way to the back fence. (Now the hard part starts, because all the way across the back will need dug back away from the grass to lay the blocks.) I know that it wont be finished this year, we just dont have the time or the money for it, but I am sure that next year it will be done and it will look great. I really liked the back at the old house, but I love it here.

And about the old house: We had some issues there this weekend, which after cooling on it for five days, I feel better about. The old subdivision aparently has a problem with pint sized vandals. Friday afternoon or evening three children carried three gallons of paint, two rollers, three brushes, a paint tray, hammer and nails into the back yard and painted the inside of our playhouse. Polkadotted. They also tore the doorbell off of the front of the house, and nailed it to the gate leading into the back yard. We found this at 1230am Saturday, Jason sat up in bed and realised we had left the sprinkler on since wednesday evening. This isnt really a big deal because it is irrigation, and our back yard is the floodplain for the whole sub. So the only damage would be a big puddle in the yard. We got up and drove over to shut it off and found the paint in the playhouse, and the doorbell on the fence. The next morning we confronted parents untill we found a house where a little girl (with paint on her face) confessed to her dad what she had done that evening, and who had been there with her. She was the polkadotter. When we spoke to the other parents, they either a) didnt seem to care or b) didnt think their child was involved, despite the tattlings of one of the kids involved. These are 6-3 graders. Two girls and a boy. What kind of parents are they? The little girl who was caught, was very sorry. She knew what they had done was wrong, even though they were only trying to improve the looks of "their clubhouse." Her parents wanted to do whatever possible to make up for it (their child did the least amount of the damage. None of the supplies were hers, she didnt destroy the doorbell, she simply swept out the playhouse, and painted polkadots on the walls.) We didnt feel that it would be fair to have her help s paint when the other two were getting away with no punishment, so we asked her to help us finish sweeping out the place. While back there, she told us everything thats been going on while the house has been empty; how the fence boards have been breaking, why the shed has been open (michael is tall enough to jump and reach the latch, then climbs the shelves and crawls through the trusses like a tunnel or swings from them like they are monkeybars.) She was a wonderfull informant. :)

We filed a police report, incase the next dammage that is done (that I dont think the little girl will be involved in, but I am sure the others might) is more expensive, say, they paint the house instead of the inside of the playhouse. Or they break the gate trying to get it open now that we have taken the latch off the outside. Or they damage the shed doors trying to get the padlock off that we installed this weekend... this way insurance will be more willing to cover the damage.

The good that I think has come from all this happened Tuesday night. After talking to both our parents, and eachother, we have decided to drastically drop the price of the house inorder to sell it. Ours is the only home on the market in our size for less than 130 000 that has an entirely new interior, new exterior paint, and has not been lived in since things were replaced. All the rest currently have someone in them, or have not done a complete renovation to walls and floors like we did. It is also the largest lot that you can get in an established subdivision. We dropped the price enough (I hope) that this month it should at least get an offer. It is priced at 127 900. I think we made it a steal, I hope we did, because we are tired of spending all our extra time working on things at that house, when we have this one that is not complete, and Emma coming in just 86(ish)days. So pray for us, if you think of it, if you drive past a For Sale sign, or If you hear about someone who is looking for a starter home, or needs to downsize a bit, we have one that is just begging for a new owner. :)

There it is. The low down on things in this part of the world. Or rather, in the two mile raduis that I spend most of my life. Overall, I still have a good feeling about things, and Im sure that isnt the hormones of pregnancy, but I think it is a peace that things will work out in our favor. How have we managed even this much when I have been unemployed for the last six months? I have a big God.

Friday, August 29, 2008

my stretch marks had grandbabies

Not that I mind the marks, Ive had them for as long as I can remember. Ive had this one on my tummy since jr high that Ive become quite fond of, and on either side of my button it has had many friends come join it. But sometime this week the bottom side of my tummy, the part I can no longer see without a mirror, has turned purple. Its hard to even tell the lines apart there are so many. They have multiplied. Like only stretch marks and bunnies can.

Also, Emma is getting fat. I know this because she is making me fat. Shes not hitting my ribs just yet (or if she is, Im too preoccupied with the need to breath to notice...) but the top of my stomach is sticking out now too instead of just the bottom. And I miss deep breaths. And a good yawn.

In other news, my next Dr appointment will not be with Dr Anstine. I wont see her again till Novemberish. But before my next appointment, if all goes well, I should get to see little baby Jesse. If he comes out when we want him to. :) (Next appointment is the glucose test, so Im really not looking forward to it anyways. I choose orange, so we will see how it tastes.)

Today, I am painting my dresser, and putting it in Emmas room. After emptying Emmas room, so that the dresser will actually fit. Then I am going through the clothes Ive got for her, and toys, and a variety of other things, and putting them away. My goal is to be able to walk in there, around the crib, changing table, two bassinets, pack and play (folded up), two swings, and boucer, and to be able to get to the draws in the dresser and the shelves in the closet. I dont think it will happen, but at least I will have something to do today. :D

Friday, August 22, 2008

spoiled.

I just got the coolest playpin in the whole world from Jesse and Sarah. Really. I picked it out, but didnt realise how many cool things it did above what I wanted it to do. And, it is (I think) my largest peice of furniture in the living room, because I have so much baby stuff in the babys room that it wont fit, and I dont want to fold it back up! Its too cute! I just needed to share that with someone. :)

Also, I gave Emma coffee this morning. She hasnt had any since I was only 18weeks, and she is much stronger now. Her caffine kicks make my whole tummy shake! (So I am home by myself, and this really amuses me. :D)

Thursday, August 14, 2008

jack and wendy





taking it personally

I have an excess amount of estrogen in my body right now. I know this, because I take EVERYTHING personally. Really. Everything.

For example, on Monday, the cableone guy came to fix our internet. I am currently sitting at the flying m, because it still kind of sucks, but thats another story... So I let him in, and let him know how greatful I am that he is here to fix things. One of the first things he says is something about why isnt anyone around here wireless?! Well, that would be becasue we JUST built this house, and JUST got internet set up, and need to get the box put together in the wall before we bother with wireless. (Besides all this, what is the point of wireless, if the "wired" kind isnt working anyways?!) Then he complains about the cord being in the hall, and that must be the problem. Then the damper that was put on, that must be the problem. Then his meter isnt working and he uses my computer to check the websites reading of our connection and SUDDENLY I am no longer an idiot! Its not the cord, or the damper, or the fact that we are not wireless, its the service into the house! Whatever. So he puts a stornger damper on to tone down the signal and checked the numbers again, and it appeared to be working. Well, its not really. It drops me less often, but it is just as irritating when it does it less often.

Example number two: we got a puppy Sunday afternoon. She is cute, Ill look for a picture to attatch. Monday I called the vet to make her and Jack appointments for shots and because she has some weird sort of skin thing. Tuesday at eight thirty, I bring them both in and fill our the paperwork, get them both weighed... and go in the little room to wait. The vet tech was really nice. Jack is 87 pounds, Wendy is 15.2. She took temps, listened to their hearts, and sent in the vet.
The vet on the other hand (I used to like her) comes into the room, and the FIRST thing she says is to my dog (NOT TO ME!) She looked at Jack and said "Well, looks like youve gained more weight. Now youve got 17 pounds to loose." I spoke up becasue I was irritated that she was talking to my dog rather than me and reminded her that he is a golden retriever/lab mix, and that the golden retriever is a huskier dog than a lab. (They have him down as a lab mix.) Then she looks at me like Im dumb and tells me that her test is to check to see if she can feel his ribs (which she hadnt done untill then) and she touches his sides and tells me, no- he still needs to loose the weight. I CAN FEEL HIS RIBS. And I didnt even go to school to find out where they are!
It gets better (worse). After she gave Jack his shot, so he is good for a year now, she took a look at Wendy. Wendy was born June 4th, so shes only 10 weeks old. I point out the skin issues shes got, and let her know that the people we got her from thought it was ringworm. (They had talked to a vet.) She asked when we got her, I told her Sunday, so she should be able to figure out that I got her Sunday, made an appointment Monday and brought her in first thing Tuesday morning. As she is looking at her, she tells me, "Wow, shes kind of a mangy dog. With these spots all over, and her coat looking like this...." I JUST got her. I gave her a bath Monday afternoon. She and Jack play, and Jack slobbers on her. Her paws were wet from the grass that morning, and she had to walk through the dirt to get to the truck. She didnt look any different than Jack. They do a skin test, so I should know tomorrow what is wrong with her, and they gave her her first set of shots. The vet also sent me home with a shampoo for her dandruff that should help the skin condition, and then tells me she is also sending me home with a dewormer because she is mangy looking and she probably has worms. (Now, Im not saying that she doesnt, its just that i was getting tired of this vet insulting my dog, and essentially telling me that I am not taking good care of my animals!)
I have to take her back in 3-4 weeks and bring a fresh stool sample (yippee.) to make sure she is worm free and to get her next shots. I am hoping there are two vets there, and that I dont have to see her next time. And also that I can make a Monday appointment and make Jason come with me.

One more: last month, Alley from Hairmasters cut off all my hair. She spent an hour, and did an amazing job. But, being pregnant and since my hair grows fast naturally, it has grown an inch in the last month and I wanted it cut again today before we leave for family reunion. Alley moved to Oregon, so Kathy, who answered the phone when I called, was the one to cut my hair. I let her know that Alley had just done it a month ago, and that it had grown an inch, and I brought in the same pictures that I brought in for Alley. She barely glanced at them, and washed, cut and dried my hair in twenty minutes. She told me, it wasnt a hard cut to follow, she just trimmed all the layers... But Alley had thinned it and spent so much time making sure it was just right, then dried it and trimmed it a little more. Kathy asked me if I wanted it dried! Then charged me for it! The cut is fine, I dont love it as much as I did a month ago when Alley did it, but its just fine. I just expected to leave there feeling happy, and didnt. After she finished drying it she asked me, have you ever thought about highlights? And at the counter, do I need any hairproducts? I get that sales are good for them, but she should just have been greatful that I came back to the same place even though Alley isnt there anymore.

So, my point, after you have read all of this ranting, is that I am NEVER this weird. I let things go. I am (fairly) rational. I assume that people are nice. But three of the four days this week where I have actually been around other people for any amount of time, I have been offended by them. It happened a little last week too...

Is there some sort of outbreak or meanness that I keep running into, or are Emma and pregnantness finally getting the best of me? Im not sure which one Id rather be the cause...

Sunday, August 10, 2008

kicking and vomit

Not mine.

Last night, Jason finally felt Emma move. we were watching the Kill Bills and she likes music, so by the second movie, she was kicking a lot and I asked Jason if he wanted to try and feel again. I had him put both hands on my tummy, and it just took a second and she kicked him really hard. It was fun to see his eyes light up just for a second and several more times last night he got to feel her move.

We got a puppy today. Jack was easy. Mellow, and easy. Elisabeth (is what jasons calling her for now, Im not sure it fits) threw up on me in the truck on the way home. Im glad it was in the truck, but I am going to be cleaning it for weeks to get rid of the smell, and ew. Right now she is tied up in the back, because she is small enough to fit under parts of the fence. She hates being tied up, and is a bit more high matinance than Jack, but is cute, and I think she will grow into it.

But, I had better go rescue her for a while, before we leave her by herself while we are at church tonight.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

baby things

Is it a bad thing if I dont want to register for gifts anywhere? I dont know the rules about these things, but I have so much stuff from Ash, and Andie, and Jesse and Sarah and Mom that there arent really many picky things left to get. I was thinking, if this sounds acceptable, of making a little list of things that I need still, and just sending it out with invitations to a shower? Then people can give Emma whatever they want. Is that a bad idea?

In other news, we had ultrasound number four a week ago, and Emma showed us her kidneys. that was pretty much it. We did get to see her nose and upper lip so we know that shes all okay there, but im not sure if they have checked overything off their little list yet... but I dont know if I want to go in for another ultrasound. Its just more money to pay and at the rate shes been, we probably still wont see anything.

My mom has been with me for the last week and a half, and went home on Monday. We did some serious shopping, and unpacking, and cleaning, and I even made a furry purple stuffed puppy and started on a blanket. I am going home again in two weeks to family reunion, and will see family then too. At least, Jason and I plan to make it all the way home this time around. It will be my last time home without a baby, so thats kind of cool.

So, there is the update for this little while. Not a lot has happened. Emma's still moving around, she weighs about a pound. We started our baby classes last night and have them all month then thats over. So, not much is happening.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

emma james fitch




The ultrasound was Monday, and went fairly well. My appointment was at 830, the first of the day, and something seemed to be off about the machine, but the tech got it all together fine and started. She looked at all my bits, which are all in the same general places as the last two times shes done this... but I know its her job. Then went to get a peek at baby and the first thing we see are legs spread open. Normally they take baby's mesurements first, then show you boy or girl, but she couldnt skip it and hope to get just a clear view again so we got to know at the very begining that baby is a girl. The very first thing we learned about her is that she is not very cooperative. We never got to see her face, and took just over the hour alloted to get a decent view of everything else. Emma also told us that she will not be holding still. She started out breach, and dancing, then half way through the ultrasound she flipped over completely. We never knew where to look to find her arms or legs or feet, except in front of her face seemed to be her favorite place. In the two pictures above, her face is behind her knees, then behind her tiny fists. Below is the best profile we got, and here her little face is smooshed up against the placenta so we still couldnt see it.















I have to go back for a fourth ultrasound next monday in order to see her little face to check for any deformities. I dont mind the extra appointments and pictures, but Im not looking forward to paying for the extra ultrasounds. Only one is included in the estimated cost that we are making monthly payments towards, so I am going to make an extra payment this month, just to help out.

After the ultrasound, Jason and I went to the zoo. We had a great time. I have never been to a zoo before, just to the deer park in Bandon, OR, and to Wildlife Safari in Windston, OR. Both were a lot of fun, but nothing like a zoo. They are more free range, and petting park types. We both bought things to bring home, Jason a new shot glass, and I got a very soft bright orange monkey.

We finished the day with a little shopping, and Jason picked out Emma's first clothing purchase- a onesie that says in sparkly pink letters "I'm not a boy!" We told Heather, next door, and she was very excited. She let me know that they have planned a yard sale for August second with several other women on my street who all have baby things to sell... Kristy said they are starting at 8am, and there are boy and girl things, from infant to around kindergarden age (as far as I know thats the age/size range.)

Tonight Jason had his first softball practice and I went out to dinner and a movie with the girls in the neighborhood. I was a little shy, because I only kind of know Heather, and Ive met Tereasa, but didnt know Kristy at all. They are a lot of fun. We had Tereasa's twelve year old daughter Miranda with us too. All of them are great, and I feel more like a part of our subdivision now. Or at least a part of this end of the street. While I was out, cable one came and got our internet installed, and Jason had it all set up before I got home, so I am sitting on my staircase (where he had my computer) checking my email, and letting everyone know the news! From the convienance of my own late night home.

Oh, one last thing, I invited my mom to come to the next ultrasound, she will be in town thursday night untill the following monday (a week and a half) so I thought it would be nice if she could come. Hopefully she will enjoy getting to see her grandbaby while shes still inside of me.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

pregnant me

I hadn't shown you any pregnant pictures yet, because I hadn't taken any. But in the last month I have a few to show.

These are Jason's parents, on the playground at the seminary in Guatemala City. I am 17 weeks.














Jason and I after Tim and Rachel's wedding, I am 20 weeks here.



















I know it is recomended that you don't make any major hair changes while pregnant... but it was time, and I cut off all my hair.



















And here is tummy, right around twenty weeks. (This is my back yard too!)

Friday, July 11, 2008

quick update

In the three days our house has been on the market, it has been shown three times, by several different realtors. Yay!

Also, I am sick. As in I have a stuffy, runny nose, really sore throat, and painfull cough. Poor me.

One last thing, baby is kicking more and more, and apparently likes it when I am on my swing in the back yard. I like it too. Hopefully this means baby will like being rocked to sleep.

That is it!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

this and that and being back in the country

First off, Guatemala was amazing. It is beautiful there, the people were great, and sicknesses were kept to a minimum. We have been back for a week and a half, and I am finally starting to feel like things are normalizing. If you want to know more, just ask me about it and I will give you the whole run down of the twelve days and show you a million photos. :)

Jason and I got a phone call from Arlen while driving back into Nampa from California last monday night saying he has someone he wanted to show the house to, when would it be finished? So we spent all day on the 4th, all day the 5th, 2-10pm on the 6th, and several hours the morning/early afternoon of the 7th getting absolutely everything finished. We even bought a tiller and tilled the garden spot after pulling and bagging all the weeds. At 6pm monday night we signed paperwork with Arlen and tuesday morning the house went, officially, on the market. then, last night Arlen left us a list of things to touch up before this morning, because he had found a second person to show it to today, and the original woman is tomorrow. We were there till eleven last night finishing up touch up paint, some little cleaning things, and I scrubbed the floor on my hands and knees. I just pray that someone wants to buy the house. That they see all the hard work we have put into it, even though its 14years old. It has been such a burden, and I'm ready to be done with it.

Besides the travel and the cleaning, baby is also doing well. I had a doctor appt on the first, and heart rate was 150. Getting lower each time so we will just have to wait and see if old wives tales are acurate or not. :) The ultrasound appointment is July 21st at 830 am. Jason gets to come with me to that one, but then he cant go to any more appointments because of his new work schedule and Dr Anstine's schedule. I am excited to find out, a little tired of waiting. I want a girl most, but I think I have come to terms with either option. There are benifits both ways. Now I am mostly hoping that we are able to tell. That would just be terrible if we waited so long and baby wouldnt let us see! I will be at twenty one weeks two days at the next appointment.

Okay, I think that about covers everything in the last month or so thats happened. I will let you know when I know more.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

something!

Right at 16 weeks, after really feeling what Sarah called the "sham" part of this pregnancy (meaning, nothing happening for weeks and weeks except peeing, and eating, and growing, with nothing to show for it) after my five am potty trip I layed in bed unable to go back to sleep willing this child to kick me. And baby did just that! At five thrity I felt two little pokes and another one at six. It is just a little thing, and nothing more since then, but at least that made Saturday morning a little better.

I appear pregnant to most of the population now, so I have stopped getting the "is she...? or maybe just....?" looks. And Ive taken to asking Jason if baby makes me look fat. :) I am feeling better, mostly because in two days I will be landing in Guatemala City with my husband and inlaws and bits of their church for a ten day work and whitness trip. And, if that werent good enough, the day we get back I have another doctor appointment and just two weeks after that, we should find out if baby is a boy or girl. Finally, there is something to look forward to that is not an eternity away.

Also, in the mean time, if any of you know anyone (or are someone) who would love to buy a nice three bedroom, two bathroom house (1000ish sq ft) on a ginormous lot (16ooo sq ft) (its all back yard, Im not kidding) with brand new paint inside and out, and all new flooring in the entire house, fridge, dishwasher and gas range included for around 135000$, please, PLEASE, send them our way. Or to Arlen. He is our fantastic realitor. We are hoping to have it off our hands by the end of the summer. If you dont know someone, just pray. :)

So, tomorrow night Jason and I drove down to California and Thursday early afternoon, we fly out of San Fransisco and into Guatemala city. Tonight, we pack.

The next time I write, there ought to be some exciting news.

Monday, June 2, 2008

impatient

I HATE waiting.
For anything.
I want progress.
I want to feel baby move.
I want to know if I can buy pink or blue baby things.

I just want something new to happen besides my new and startling similarity to the Venus of Willendorf.

I will get over myself soon enough. And all these things will happen soon enough. And unfortunatly the similarites I share with the Venus will only grow as I wait. But I will get over that too. (And if I dont, I will have my wonderfull husband to make me feel better by calling me a school bus. :P Im not kidding. I was wearing a yellow shirt.)

Thursday, May 29, 2008

two months!

So this really doesn't have anything to do with baby, except that I won't be able to talk about baby online for at least two months because Qwest doesn't have internet in our new subdivision yet! Boo! :(

I am dealing with this fairly well, except that today is the frist day I have been online in a week, and I feel So out of the loop. I think I will be regularly visiting the M for a while in order to catch up!

Now something baby relevent. I had another Dr appt on tuesday, thirteen weeks, four days. Baby's heart rate was 160, 16 lower than last time, but baby is also not working quite as hard to grow as last time. Crossing fingers for a girl still, though I see someone out there thinks I will be putting all those boy clothes to use. :) We will see. Everything else looks good. I am gaining weaight just fine, not too much, I just carry it all in the front so I look a lot more pregnant than I really am.

We are going to guatemala before my next appointment, so instead of geting in the 25th, it will be July 1st. that would make my ultrasound at around 23 weeks, so I am going to ask that they bump up the July appointment to get us back on scedule so it will only be a little over 21 weeks when we find out. I cant wait that long! It's too bad I couldnt just know now!

Did I say this already? We are moved. Everything out of the old house is moved into the new house, in a box. Or bag. Or just scattered all over the floor. (It's scary.) The house makes weird noises and doesnt have any window coverings yet. And I'm afraid of the master closet. (At night, it looks REALLY scary. I cant go to the bathroom if the closet door is open.)

Jack is getting used to the back yard too. And to getting into trouble again. He has been so good for so long, I knew it wouldnt last. His first night I got him a new toy to keep him entertained, but it only lasted two nights. For the last two nights he has been a terror. We have two trees, the garden, a row of strawberries, and six rosebushes back there that he had left alone for a long time, untill two nights ago. the Gala apple tree (which has higher branches than the Fugi) was attacked first. he ripped down one of its largest branches, along with six or seven others. We are trying to graft it back in, and save the life of the tree (which cost us seventy dollars, and we need it to pollenate the Fugi). Then last night, he ripped out two rose bushes (that are already struggling because we recieved them bare root). Jason planted the bushes again this morning, and tonight I am giving them a good dose of vitamin B1. Jack spent the rest of the morning, and day, tied up on a fairly short leash, away from everything. When I went out to feed him breakfast late this morning, I noticed that he had ripped another branch off the tree that Jason had missed earlier in the morning, stripping more bark. I have that one in water, waiting to be grafted back in this evening, and we will give the tree another dose of B1 and pray it lives.

So those are my struggles right now. I know he wants to be a good dog. He has been fetching so well this week, and listening when we tell him things. If I say rope, he brings the rope. Or tug, and he tugs with me. He finds his ball, and sits when he's supposed to sit... but he's been so destructive again! Ripping up the tree two days in a row, and pulling out those rose bushes. I dont even know how he got his mouth around them. Ouch!

I will let you know again how things are before Guatemala. I have my last immunization tomorrow morning with Jason, and my anti-malarial drugs are waiting for me to pick up at walmart. By the time I get back, I should be feeling the baby move!