while emma is calm

I should be using these few moments to clear the laundry off the couch, and unload and reload the dishwasher, but instead I am going to update all of you on the happenings of the week. Eventually I want to write about Emma's delivery, just so I remember everything, but I think its more important to talk about this week for now.

I visited the lactation consultants (Joan) on Wednesday and got a little encouragement and advice as well as a return appointment for Friday afternoon. While we were there Friday, Emma did great. She had been wonderful for the last two days, eating well, sleeping well, I even had time and energy to shower and fix my hair before our appointment Friday. After she had a bit to eat, Joan weighed her again to see what was in her tummy, and she started to get a little fussy. She was still hungry, and had the beginnings of a dirty diaper. (Keep this in mind, Emma does not like to wait for anything. If she is hungry, she wants it NOW. If she is dirty, she wants changed NOW, weather she is actually finished or not. She has no problem making those things known.) Joan was writing down her weight and talking to me before she gave Emma back, and in her fit, she started to turn "dusky" or blueish while she cried. Emma uses up a whole breath (entirely) then gasps for air to cry some more. Joan and Joyce (Sarah, I finally remembered her name) both were quite concerned, and immediately called the resident, who ran up four flights of stairs to check on Emma. No one was telling me anything, I told them, this is just how she cries.

The resident called Emma's doctor, who we had yet to meet, and decided to admit her for a period of 23 hour observation to do some tests and see what was going on. I called Jason and he left work to come be with me. Over the next day, she had two chest xrays, an echo cardiogram, a full set of labs, and continued monitoring of her blood sugar (even though they were all well in the normal range, they continued to poke her feet). There were respiratory therapists who came in the room, looked at her oxygen levels and left (having done nothing), there were many nurses, one of which i did not like at all, and one who was very soft spoken and kind. The nice one was during the late parts of the night, which was so nice, I was too warn out by then.

After we were admitted, they saw one more "episode" when the (not nice) nurse wanted to check her blood sugar after I had already told him that her diaper was dirty and needed changed, and she needed to be fed. He went ahead and poked her heel anyway, and she screamed and her stats started to drop, as she cries then gasps for a new breath. Then, they wouldn't let me do anything to console her till her stats were back up- which took longer because she was upset at being made to stay in her diaper and hunger while being poked. That nurse made me Crazy. (He was the only person that I snapped at while we were there, because he was treating me like I was unintelligent when I explained to him that I hadn't had time to breastfeed, and had to supplement (which she doesn't like) because people kept coming in. He told me, "no, I'm pretty sure you can still breastfeed, it wasn't in her orders against it..." Duh. But it is difficult to get a chest xray of Emma, when shes nursing. Hmm.)

Saturday around eleven the cardiologist came in and explained what they thought the problem might be. Either the two sides of Emma's heart had too much pressure still (it is normal in utero) and hadn't slacked up yet but were pumping too hard to her lungs making it difficult to breath, or a tiny hole that is normal in utero also, was allowing un oxygenated blood to pass through into oxygenated blood. After about forty minutes, the test was finished and Dr Alexander turned to us and said her heart is perfect. She explained everything she had seen and told us that she would tell the pediatritian her results and we should expect to hear from him soon. Before she left the room, Emma woke up and threw a fit because she was hungry. Her stats began to drop and Dr Alexander looked at her, and the numbers and said that the monitor must be wrong. Emma did not look at all like her numbers were that low. She had the nurses who rushed in (everytime they dropped in the eighties for too long) turn on all the lights, and she looked at Emma's whole body. She let me pick her up and nurse her, and instantly she was back at 100%.

She ordered a new monitor placed on Emma's hand instead of foot, and we saw that the foot monitor had been completely inacurate. When it said she was dropping into the seventies, the had monitor still read in the nineties. It was evident to Jason and I that all previous information collected from the foot monitor was worthless. We were greatful to have the cardiologist there to whitness an "episode".

Four hours later Jason asked the front desk what else we were waiting on, and if we could go home. We had not see the pediatrician again, and for that matter, had seen no one besides the nurse who had applied the new monitor to her hand. We were told the Doctor was on her way. Another half hour later, the Doctor was still "on her way". The next time he asked, she would "be here in a few minutes". At Five, two hours after we had first asked for the Doctor, she appeared at our door. Not the pediatrician who had spoke to us that morning, but a different resident than the one who had elected to admit us the night before. The were recomending that we stay for another 24 hours of observation.

Why?

There were no reasons. Not even made up on the spot pretend reasons. THey were considering the fit Emma threw with Dr alexander another "episode" even though it was her opinion (proved by replacing the monitor) that her stats had been inacurate. Their policy was to keep us for 24 hours after the last episode. We were begining to think that even the previous ones, had she been under better light rather thna just a lamp or ambient outside lighting, she would have looked more red than blue simply because the lights had been so dim. The resident was opinionless, and had no information for us whatsoever. We told her we were ready to leave, and she had us fill out paperwork that stated we were leaving against medical advice. The nurse who came in to discharge us informed us that in some cases, the insurance will not pay for cases when people leave AMA. Emma had an entire day of tests, more than Jason and I could ever think of affording on our own, but we felt leaving was still the right thing to do.

We got home around seven Saturday evening and Emma has been perfect since then. We called our insurance, and she is covered for her hospital stay. We saw her pediatrician on Monday and explained to him what happened. He had been told over the phone on friday afternoon that she had "stopped breathing and turned blue". Those things never happened. He checked out out throually and I filled out paperwork for him to recieve all her records from St Lukes. We spent Sunday afternoon with out Sunday school class at Pastor Jim's house, then lounging at home till after dinner. Then Emma and I went with Jason to work for several hours to make up for lost time on Friday.

Emma is not eating quite as well as she was Thursday and Friday last week, I feel like I just cant get her tummy full enough. I started taking Fenugreek yesterday, so that should help, and i am still pumping after most feedings. She does not like to eat any way other than nursing, so I have to poke the tiny tip of a 1ml siringe in the corner of her mouth while she is nursing to get her to drink the pumped milk. We are praying my supply goes up soon, so that we know she is getting enough and begins gaining weight. She has pleanty of dirty and wet diapers, so I am not too concerned, I just want my chubby baby to start gaining weight like she is supposed to.

Jason and I are confident that there is nothing wrong with Emma, but welcome all of your prayers for her. I know that it is possible something was wrong friday afternoon, but the masses of people from our church and friends and family who were praying for her may have been enough for God to take care of whatever the problem was. The hurdle I want most to clear now if making sure she gets enough food. I would really appriciate it if you added that to your list.